Only with a supreme act of bravery can sacrificial love be carried out, and only sacrificial love has the power to utterly destroy evil.
Michael Arbogast, The Imaginative Christian Works of C.S. Lewis and J.K. Rowling
Story One
Do you perhaps recall watching a teen movie called A Walk to Remember? It is a story about high school affection and friendship, which turns into a romance, but not without agape working all through the movie in the actor’s lives. Jamie [the actress] is a shy and quiet, a classical preacher’s daughter, but she is also very ill and knows that she will soon die; Landon [the actor] is an arrogant high school celebrity type of a guy, who walks around causing trouble with his guy friends. There was no natural possibility for these two characters to end up in a marriage, as they have, without supreme acts of bravery. When Landon realizes that he truly loves Jamie, she, being aware of her illness and therefore limitations, asks him to promise her that he will not fall in love with her. He promises, but love still happens because both of them take the risk of telling the truth [Jamie about her illness] becoming vulnerable to one another, by giving-of-themselves for the sake of the other, here the unattractive other. Two opposite people come together and make things work by desiring to give to each other, rather than to receive. This is not magic. This is also not our daily idea of a perfect romance. This is a working agape; working and teaching us. Working with patience in us, and working through giving to us, by our giving to another.
Learning: Agape Must Become a Habit
Agape is a relationship. Relationships are learning experiences. Experiences take time, as they are processes. Processes are sometimes life-long lessons. Agape is one of those learning processes, both for you – the beloved and the loved one.
Seek. Become. Give.
This process of learning agape [or making it a habit, as it is an intentional attitude of our kardia – the “living organ”] is more about becoming the right friend, the right daughter, the right lover, than wanting the other to be all of that for us. Allow the process of learning in order to learn about the greatest mystery of our lives. Learn and then become a giving-offering to those closest in your life. Take the risk to agape someone and allow yourself to be agaped by someone too. Giving-of-yourself is the hardest thing to do, but truly it is the only answer in the world of constant turmoil. Ask the Ultimate Agape to help you and allow Him to transform you.
Relationships are the greatest gifts.
Agape is a set of relationships.
Eternal even.
Story Two
Zack
[1] is the name of one of my best friends. But this was not always the way things were. I used to strongly dislike this person, since the first day I met him, thinking that he was annoying and “stupid” [I know, I am sorry], because he thought the world of himself and always longed to be in the center of everyone’s attention. You know what type of personality this is, don’t you? Zack thought the same about who I was; he would never think of being friends with someone like me. I was perhaps too “serious” for him. A year went by and another one. Still thinking nothing more of each other, but rather carrying signs on our faces of warning if the other approached his or her territory. By the third year, confronted by a mutual friendship, we had to make a choice. We were either going to give the other a chance, and in a sense let our thoughts and expectations of the other cease, or we were going to sacrifice something of that new mutual friend we had and cared for. I began to pray for patience and ask the Ultimate Agape [God is agape] to allow me to agape this man and allow me to have patience in times when I know, I will not be able to stand this person! I simply prayed. Later I found out that this man also gave me a chance in a similar way. After just a couple of months, through Agape, we both became friends, and a year later we continue to be great friends to each another. This is not because we simply made a decision to do so, but because our focus was restored from looking at each other’s weaknesses and differences, to looking at each other’s strengths and beautiful gifts, and even the connection we both shared – God Himself. I honestly have never loved any friend in such a way and this is not a romantic crush I am thinking about, but a way of loving someone, beyond the loveable; finding incredible worth in the other, who is at first, not so attractive and undeserving of such love [this is of course always a personal judgment]. I focused on God, asked Him to let me agape this person and He answered. What a great Gift!
Patience: Agape Requires Prayer
Practicing agape is not easy. Not necessarily pleasing to oneself either. But it will offer you joy, or rather, a sense of peace. Patience, which comes through prayer, is a good starting point as again, agape is from God, and therefore a Believer must go directly to the source of agape to maintain an agape-like-lifestyle. Pray for your relationships before even approaching them. Ask for guidance, for discernment, for gentleness and for the ability to unconditionally agape. When the rest of the beloved fails you, be reminded of the prayers you prayed toward them, as that will change your heart’s attitude toward their natural failures. This is why it is so necessary to give of your own self and think highly of the other, first of God [by giving him praise] and then through prayer for the other and your relationship [such as intercession, or I like to call it, a dedicative prayer]. It is not worthy of your time to worry too much, as true agaping friends, giving-of-themselves to one another, will always return to their Source and each other, as the Source binds them together in one agape. Therefore rather than be impulsive about friend not calling you, go to the Source. Later, as you’ll look back, you will see the joy and peace of that decision.
For, peace is what you and I need.
Through dedicative prayer and patience, Agape offers that peace.
Story Three
We think of Mother Teresa as a great heroine, an untouchable saint, and yet her life breaks all the definitions of a saint we could ever make. She was not a great hero for herself. She was a person with kardia [a heart], desiring to give to someone else, who had even less to eat than she did. Even if she had nothing to eat, she could find someone perhaps, who had no clothing, while she was clothed. That person then was less fortunate, and therefore deserved to be clothed by her. She was like you and me, a person with not only great faith, but also doubts which made her faith so great! She wanted to give generously. In her journal writings, she tells of a powerful story of giving:
One night a man came to our house and told me, “There is a family with eight children. They have not eaten for days.” I took some food with me and went. When I came to that family, I saw the faces of those littlechildren disfigured by hunger. There was no sorrow or sadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger. I gave the rice to the mother. She divided the rice in two, and went out, carrying half the rice. When she came back, I asked her, “Where did you go?” She gave me this simple answer, “To my neighbors; they are hungry also!” I was not surprised that she gave – poor people are very generous. I was surprised that she knew they were hungry. As a rule, when we are suffering, we are sO focused on ourselves, we have no time for others.[2]
Giving: A Habit of Generosity
It is not enough to just give. Take it a little higher and develop a habit of generosity. Leave a little greater tip than the norm and than what you can give. Offer a little bit more of your time to someone else, than you are able to give. Be faithful. Be generous. Right now, right here. With no riches, find creative ways to give more than you can, than what others might think of your capacity to give. Not to be the center of attention, but rather with the attitude of serving and thankfulness, something we barely practice anymore, except for the season, or even day of Thanksgiving. What will it cost you? Not as much trauma as you might be considering now. Perhaps one less trip to a movie theater for yourself, or one less dining experience with a group of friends – one more meal at home. At least you have that meal, even if it is as simple as PB&J. Most people in the world get about one meal per day, even children, consider themselves lucky beyond measure to eat a bit of rice, one time a day. The cost for you will not be that great. The cost of generosity for God was to send His Son, to die for you and for me. Not going to a movie is not that bad anymore, huh? Generosity is yet another way of agaping those around you, who again, may not deserve it, but through your acts of generosity, you will be humbled before them and find them worthy of much more.
The eternal.
Start giving small . . . of your time, ears, presence and dedicative prayer. Then let it lead you to even greater gifts of giving, as they will arise from your unconditional agape toward all. Everything counts, as long as your intentions are pure. For true Agape is pure.
Give. Give. Give.
Of yourself. To another.
Little things, great matters.
Start small.
Agape started small, with a seed of life in you. Give, eternally.
Copyright © 2007 by Dorota Krzyzaniak
All rights reserved
[1] Name has been changed to keep the privacy of the individual.
[2] Mother Teresa, 39. Emphasis mine.
