If you want to make sure of keeping it (your heart) intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves.
For me this agape is a way of living, a practical way of giving-of-myself to others and a direct way of communicating with God through the eternal connection set by Christ, here and now. No other ancient love could offer such a gift of freedom to choose, ability to purely give, and a relationship that will last beyond the visible. Giving-of-ourselves, as opposite to simply giving, is an important distinction, because I can easily give a piece of extra bread to the hungry or an extra pair of socks to the barefoot one, and not do anything more than any other person with a bit of compassion and humanity within himself would do. Don’t get me wrong, that is a great act of kindness, but it is just a simple giving and it does not take much of “ourselves” to do so. Giving-of-ourselves requires us to “walk another mile” or take things a little further and perhaps I dare say, sacrifice of ourselves (our time, emotions, resources and even our most dearest possessions) for the well-being and even survival of the other. Perhaps, this is why the example in Christ’s and of God’s agape had to be so direct, firm, and bold - because it required of Christ to sacrifice everything that he had and was, so that those of us who had no hope would gain it, those who were hungry could then eat and those who had no relationship, because they appeared as “unloving” or “unworthy,” could now have a relationship with God Himself and all of the church, through Christ.
From a Believer’s study of agape, we learn that this way of loving is not a way of possessing, but rather a way of participating in one another’s lives ( in the good and the bad alike) and participating with the Spirit of God.
[1] Here, we begin to observe a certain distinction within the different forms of loving that human beings are meant to experience and take pleasure in, and yet this is rarely possible without the study of Greek and the words used to distinguish between the loves. Now, it is clear that the Christian idea of loving is divine in its origin and must remain as such, because it is intended to go the “extra mile” and give-of-itself to others. Understanding this distinction can change the current generation of young people and the generations that are yet to come, as this understanding allows for preservation of the term and its meaning, and finally, for a greater revelation of the language used, and clear understanding of the biblical message.
Agape allows us to discover not only the distinctions between other loves, but also their limits and it offers new possibilities in one’s life to create a relationship with the other.
[2] Agape proves God’s highest thoughts of us, as He was willing to agape us from day one, when we were still sinners, something that Eros could never offer. If we are sinners, how could a good God desire a relationship with any of us, according to the ways of philia? He could not, as philia meets the similar with the familiar, and there is no similary between a sinless God and a sinful man. Even the most natural of loves, storge, could not solve the problem of human unattractiveness, because storge is looking for the attractiveness and if not, then it is always driven by one’s need to be touched or touch. It is centered on Need-Love from other human beings, rather than Gift-Love toward God. A young Believer today must understand that to love someone from a believing heart - such as either loving a friend, a romantic other or being affectionate with the other - one must not only consider the distinctions between the loves, but also their dangers and limits, and come to them with the most righteous and pure motive of one’s heart. Not only that, but one must consciously forget one’s needs and put the other as the primary, so that one can become a servant, a good friend, an honest affectioner and a most generous and patient giver-of-oneself. One must consider the necessary distance which leads to a “loving trust”, where we can entrust ourselves to others and allow them to use us, just like Christ allowed his disciples to use him, even though he knew his heart could be broken by them.
[3] Jesus became vulnerable for the sake of agape, rejecting the notion of hate, because he saw it brought death to one’s spirit and put a boundary between man and his God.
[4] It is for our own completeness that we may do the same and begin with agape toward God himself and toward all things that come from Him or are of His nature, so that we, just like Christ, may become fellow-workers with God and one another.
[5] This sacrificial love is the “impossible possibility.”
[6] And may you now, be reminded of the story told in chapter one, of love between Katty and Riley. It is not only a romantic passion or desire, but a true agape, as they are both willing to give-of-themselves to the each other. The impossible possibility changes the world and changes our kardia.
[7]Copyright © 2007 by Dorota Krzyzaniak
All rights reserved[1] Daniel Day Williams, The Spirit and Forms of Love (New York and Evanston: Harper and Row, Publishers, 1968), 209.
[2] Williams, 210.
[3] Carr, 40.
[4] Howard Thurman, Jesus and the Disinherited, foreword by Vincent Harding (Boston: Beacon Press, 1996), 88.
[5] John Henry Blunt, Rev., ed. Dictionary of Doctrinal and Historical Theology (London: Rivingtons, 1872), 797.
[6] Williams, 193.
[7] Kardia, in Greek is a concept of this living organ, which allows us to be; it includes our thoughts, feelings, emotions, mind and heart.
